A Rejected Script
by Denver Bloom
Summary: Just a little crossover with Doctor Who as played by T. Baker. A parody that's guaranteed to make you laugh. Credits go to LucasFilm and BBC1 for the characters. The slapstick comedy is, of course, my own.


**SCENE:** _Lars Family workshop - evening, before dinner. Luke is working on R2-D2 while C-3PO bathes (and please stop teasing Mr. Daniels about his 'shriveled piece')._

**C-3PO:** "Ah, thank the maker! it's been so long since I've had an oil bath." _(giggles are heard as the droid rises)_ "tell me sir..."

**LUKE:** "Call me Luke."

**C-3PO:** "Ah, yes. Tell me, Sir Luke..."

**LUKE:** "Just Luke."

**C-3PO:** "I see, Luke. Tell me, would you happen to know where we are?"

**LUKE:** "Well, if there's a bright center of the galaxy, you're on the planet that is farthest from it. Oh, dammit. Biggs is right. I'm never gonna get out of this place!"

**C-3PO:** "Might I be of some assistance?"

**LUKE:** "Not unless you can speed up time and end the harvest quicker."

**C-3PO:** "I'm afraid I'm not very good at those sorts of things."

**LUKE:** "Well, let's take a look at your friend. You seem to have taken a lot of scarring, were you part of a convoy or.."

_R2-D2 comes to life as a holographic image of Princess Leia appears (please stop whistling, guys!)._

**LEIA:** "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!" _(repeat ad nauseum. ad nauseum. ad nauseum. okay, George, we get the idea - the guys)_

**SFX:** _a continuous whooshing sound builds, like the vacuum inside of George Bush's head, forcing Luke, 3PO, and R2 to take a step back as a large blue coffin-shaped box appears out of thin air. On the top, there is writing that reads, POLICE BOX. Within moments, the box seems to have become quite solid and Luke reaches for a spanner. Suddenly, a door opens on the box and out steps a man in his mid-twenties with a rather floppy hat, brown curly hair, a long overcoat with many pockets, and a rather unfashionable many-colored scarf. He turns around to face the trio and is taken aback._

**STRANGER** _(big smile)_: "Why, hello. Are you here for the convention too?"

**LUKE:** "Convention?"

**STRANGER** _(confused look)_: "Oh, judging by your attire, I had thought I was at some sort of convention. My name is The Doctor, how do you do." _(he offers a hand filled with Jelly Babies)_

_Luke takes the hand rather quickly, but pulls back to shake off the unexpected sticky gummy treats. (remind me never to hire this kid again, Lucas.)_

**LUKE:** "I'm Luke Skywalker. This is C-3PO and R2-D2. How did you do that, appear out of thin air?"

**DOCTOR:** "There is no such thing as thin air, my boy. Just varying degrees of opaque, really. It's a lot like watching a political debate. That sort of thing."

**LUKE and C-3PO:** "Political debate?"

**DOCTOR:** "You've never seen Dole vs. Clinton before?"

**LUKE:** "Do they work for the Empire?"

**DOCTOR:** "Oh, Heavens no. Her Majesty would never allow that sort of thing. They are both way too tacky for the Empire."

**C-3PO:** "Excuse me sir, but I couldn't help noticing that your device has a Time Accelerator attached to it."

**LUKE:** "I thought you weren't very knowledgeable of such things."

**C-3PO:** "My apologies, but what I said was I'm not very good at those sorts of things. Anyone can recognize a Time Accelerator, you know."

**DOCTOR:** "He's right, young man, it is a Time Accelerator. I just got it a few weeks ago, really. The last one wasn't very reliable."

**C-3PO:** "I think I recall seeing something just like it some time ago while I was with a previous master."

**LUKE:** "What does it do?"

**DOCTOR:** "Why, it lets me travel through space and time, lad. What do they teach you in school, anyway?"

**LUKE:** "School, what's that?" _(Why hasn't Luke ever been to school? I could never understand that - F. Oz)_

**DOCTOR:** "It's where you... oh, never mind. Could you tell me where I am?"

**C-3PO:** "Yes. I was wondering that myself. You said it was furthest from the bright spot of the galaxy. I'm afraid that's not very helpful."

**DOCTOR** _(distracted by R2)_: "Amazing! Is that a holographic image projector?"

**LUKE:** "Uh, yeah. I'm not sure who the girl is.."

**DOCTORR:** "Can you get her undressed?"

**LUKE:** "What?!" _(What? - Fisher)_

**DOCTOR:** "Well, what's the use of a holo-projector if you can undress the babes?"

**R2-D2:** _Makes numerous bleeps of objection._

**C-3PO:** "Really R2. That's not fair to the man. Besides, I've been wondering what she'd look naked myself." _(again, WHAT?! - Fisher)_

**LUKE:** "Look, you two are weirding me out. _(me too - Fisher)_ I gotta go eat dinner. Try and figure out who that girl is before I get back. And don't touch my plastic models!" _(why does he need toys when he can have a real droid? - Daniels)_

_Exit Skywalker._

**DOCTOR:** "To be honest, I was going to say she looked like she could be his twin sister or something."

**C-3PO:** "That's impossible, they look nothing alike. Besides, I would rather see her naked, not him."

_That's it. I hope you enjoyed it._


End file.
